Thursday, August 20, 2009
I don't know if you know this, but you can now purchase Kosher computers! They are made in Israel by a company called DELL-SHALOM. The price is so low... even with the shipping from Israel!
However, before you purchase a kosher computer of your own, you should know that there are some important changes from the typical non-kosher computer you are used to, such as:
1) The 'Start' button has been replaced with a 'Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!' button.
2) You hear 'Hava Nagila' during startup.
3) The cursor moves from right to left.
4) When Spell-checker finds an error it prompts, 'Is this the best you can do?'
5) When you look at erotic images, your computer says, 'If your mother knew you did this, she would die.'
6) It comes with a 'monitor cleaning solution' from Manischewitz that gets rid of all the 'schmutz und drek.'
7) When running 'Scan Disk' it prompts you with a 'You want I should fix this?' message.
8) After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC goes, 'Schloffen.'
9) The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
10) It comes with two hard drives - one for fleyshedik (business software) and one for milchedik (games).
11) Instead of getting a 'General Protection Fault' error, your PC now gets 'Ferklempt.'
12) The multimedia player has been renamed to 'Nu, so play my music already!'
13) When your PC is working too hard, you occasionally hear a loud 'Oy Gevalt!'
14) Computer viruses can now be cured with matzo ball soup.
15) When disconnecting external devices from the PC, you are instructed to "Remove the cable from the PC's tuchus."
16) After your computer dies, you have to dispose of it within 24 hours.
17) But best of all, if you have a kosher computer, you can't get SPAM.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
This past year has not been the easiest, but it has become the most rewarding. Jacob is always ahead of the game. Wondering what is next. He doesn't know the meaning of walk or slow down. It's full steam ahead for him. I'm always telling him to stop. I justify it by saying it is for his safety, but I think deep down I am jealous. Jealous of his zest for life even at five years old.
I think as I try to help Jacob grow and become a young man, that I am going to try and learn from him and become more of a kid again. We can teach each other.
I love you, Jacob. I will always love you.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Similar to Hanna, a father of one of the other boys on Jacob's team took pictures at their final game. I know he is only 4 years old (soon to be 5), but a father can imagine the day his son steps on to a major league field. And, of course, I had to put these first pics to one of the standards of baseball music, Dan Fogerty's Centerfield.
Friday, June 5, 2009
What next? Sue the makers of Boca Burgers for the lack of beef in their product?
Sunday, May 31, 2009
A father of one of the girl's on Hanna's softball team took a bunch of action shots of the team playing softball. This is a series he took of Hanna that I added to music. One of the most memorable tunes for me growing up that seems to fit this video. Enjoy.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Watch out Thunder Hill!!!! Here comes Jacob.
Friday, May 29, 2009
It has been quite some time since the Oriole's have had this level of hoopla surrounding a prospect. They are expecting 40,000 in attendance tonight. Considering attendance has been around 20,000 recently, there are a lot of fans excited about Wieters. I hope he succeeds. I really do. As an Oriole fan, the years of futility are draining. I also hope that the fans are reasonable in their expectations. He has been nothing short of outstanding in the minors. But the major leagues are a different game.
Instead of giving you predictions, I will give you what I hope he will do this year. Predictions are for those that track these things and have graphs and charts to show how certain players pan out. Mine are mere guesses.
80 games (he is a catcher and the Oriole's have 110 left)
.265 batting average
14 home runs (I would have said 13, but I have some superstitions)
We'll see. I wish him luck and am excited to see him play. Welcome to Baltimore, Matt Wieters. You are more than welcome to come over our house anytime.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
While I am not a Jew who is observant of the Sabbath, I believe there are certain things that you hold sacred. The Sabbath is meant as a day of rest; a day to spend with family and friends; a day meant not to work. The Owings Mills JCC already opens their doors during the summer for the outside pool. Why the sudden need to open the indoor components? Being Jewish needs to mean something. And, yes, I know that you do not have to be Jewish to belong, but I bet you won't see the YMCA board vote to stay open on Christmas or Easter to suit their non-Christian members.
This will not change my support of the JCC. I am not a member nor do I plan to be a member. It simply is not convenient for me as I do not live in close proximity to their locations.
But this decision seems to be the start of a deterioriation of the "sacred-ness" of being Jewish. If the "Center" that bares it's name can't observe the simple rules of the Sabbath, how can we envision a population of Jewish people to aspire to and observe the rules of the Sabbath?
Friday, May 22, 2009
The economy is so bad...
- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
- Jewish women are marrying for love.
- Even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren't paying their taxes.
- Hotwheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
- Obama met with the following small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfizer and Citigroup.
- McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
- A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico.
- The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.
- Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
- People in Africa are donating money to Americans.
- Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, "finish your plate, do you know how many kids are starving in the US?".
- Motel Six won't leave the light on.
- The Mafia is laying off judges.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
No, this is not the location I work at.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Now go do something odd before it is too late.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
During Passover, the afikomen (middle piece of matzah from the seder) is hidden. The children at the table are then tasked at the end of the meal with finding this. As the Jewish tradition goes, whoever finds the afikomen is supposed to sell it back to the hider. In our family, after the afikomen is found, everyone gets $1 bill from my dad. No matter how old or young, you get $1 bill. Now, here comes the fun part. We play Blind Man's Bluff where you have the chance to double or even triple your winnings (or lose everything you came with). The object is to guess how many of a particular number are on all of the serial numbers for the dollar bills in the game. It's a pretty easy game to play, but difficult to master. Here are this year's rules:
1) Zeroes are low.
2) My dad always starts. It is his dollar bills.
3) You must either increase the frequency of the number being played, increase the actual number or both. (i.e. Dad say "One 2". The next person says "more" than one 2; one "3", "4", etc...; OR "more" than one "3", "4", etc....
4) You have the option to pass. However, if everyone passes and it gets back to the bettor, the bettor wins all of the money of the passers.
5) If it is your turn, you can challenge the bettor. If the bettor is correct, you lose your $1. If the bettor is wrong, you win their $1.
I am sure the rules will change next year. But, this is the basics of it.
Friday, March 27, 2009
On, Thursday, March 12th, Tiffany presented herself to a rabbinical tribunal at Adas Israel (http://www.adasisrael.org) in Washington, DC. The purpose of this was that Tiffany wanted to convert to Judaism.
Over the last 18 months or so, Tiffany has attended classes and met with the rabbi at the synagogue (http://www.oseh-shalom.org) where our children go to Hebrew school. Sometime in November or December (my remembrance of the date is a bit hazy), I received a call from Tiff telling me when she was going to convert. Tiff's interest and study seemed to increase a bit as the date of the conversion approached. What is kosher? What about Shabbat? Will you teach me hebrew? The list went on and on. :-)
March 12th came and Tiffany sat in front of the tribunal. Not only did Tiffany and I go, but so did her parents and my parents. She was peppered with questions. all different ways to ask "Why do you want to be Jewish?". She answered each one with care and sensitivity. You could tell that this was something she wanted and felt very strongly in her heart about. It was like watching a child research for a report and then repsent all of their findings. I can honestly say I was extremely proud to sit by her side as the rabbis asked her about her thoughts and feelings. After listening to her answers, the rabbis all agreed that Tiffany should be allowed to convert to Judaism.
We then escorted her to the mikvah for the ritual immersion and prayers to complete the conversion. After a couple laps around the mikvah pool (just kidding), Tiffany's conversion was complete.
This was a very important day for her. I am very proud of her. Not because she converted but because she did something that she put her mind to. She completed a new step in her "spiritualness".
And, to that, I say to her "I love you."
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
These years have not gone by without our fair share of trials and tribulations. But, I can honestly count on one hand the number of real arguments we had. However, I do not have enough hands to count the equal amounts of time spent expressing love and desire for each other.
The little nuances, the facial remarks, your sighs, your laugh. All things that I know define you.
Yes, things are different from when we met and they will be different tomorrow, next year, a century from now. But, that is what is exciting. That is what I continue to love about you. You might say that you keep me on my toes (not that the kids don't do that enough).
I know this doesn't flow very well. But that is how life is. It's a stream of consciousness entry. I will finish with this....
"My life is not a movie, but since I have married you(Tiff), it has been a fairy tale."
I love you more today than I did yesterday and will love you more tomorrow than today. Here's to another year of marriage.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
And for those that would like to group those words with the likes of n***** or k***, I strongly disagree. Those word are demeaning and meant to put people down. Use f*** or s***, doesn't insult someone's being like the aforementioned words. You will never hear me use n***** or k***. Ever. I do not condone their usage, like I do f*** and s***.
With that all said, I am still going to try (and I mean try) to stop using f*** and s***. "Why?" you might ask. Well, we all do crazy things for our children. While the use of them never seemed to impact Hanna and her growing vocabulary list, Jacob is another story. He has started to incorporate it into his vernacular.
My first thought was shock. Just like every parent, my son shouldn't talk like this. However, after thinking about, I realized he was just doing what I always did. He was repeating me and my usage of free speech. Nevertheless, the people who run the daycare center he attends do not feel it is appropriate for a 4-year old to say "Holy S***!!" or "What the f***?". How close-minded can one be? :-) At least I can be proud of the fact that he used them in the proper context.
But, it is easier to change my ways then to teach Jacob that others are not as open-minded as I am. So, for that, I am going to try and eliminate the use of those words. It's not going to be easy. But, nothing worthwhile ever is. I hope that one day Jacob can appreciate this gesture. If not, he can go "f***" himself. But, until then, I love him.
Friday, February 27, 2009
I said "Good Day, Sir!"
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
1 can of refried beans
1 pint of sour cream
2 packages of taco mix (I like mine spicy)
12 oz of salsa
jar of pickled jalapenos
1 1/2 cup of shredded cheddar
1) Spread out evenly refried beans on bottom of serving dish.
2) Combine sour cream and taco mix real well and the spread out evenly on top of refried beans.
3) Pour out salsa evenly on top of sour cream mix.
4) Top salsa with shredded cheddar.
5) Layout jalapeno peppers on top of cheese in a decorative pattern.
Serve with tortilla chips. I prefer to use "Scoops".
Monday, February 23, 2009
2 10 oz. cans of chicken
2 8 oz. packages of cream cheese (softened)
1 cup bleu cheese dressing
3/4 cup favorite wing sauce
1/5 cups shredded cheddar cheese
1) Combine cream cheese, chicken and dressing until blended smoothly in oven safe dish.
2) Mix in wing sauce.
3) Cover with cheddar cheese.
4) Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes.
Serve with "Chicken In a Biscuit" crackers and celery sticks.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Offically banned in the U.S. until recently, absinthe has been suggested to cause madness and hallucinations. From Vincent Van Gogh to Oscar Wilde and other "crazy" people of the team, the "Green Fairy" has been enjoyed. The chemical thujone is believed to be the cause of this mass craziness and, hence, the ban. While the ban has been lifted on absinthe, it has not been lifted on thujone.
However, thanks to the wonder of commerce over the internet (www.absinth24.net), the two bottles shown below have fallen into my possession. And as soon as I can catch up with some very special friends (and they know who they are), I suspect to crack them open and see how the "Green Fairy" can enlighten me.
Following her art display, Hanna took to the ice to particpate in her first Ice Skating Competition at Bowie Ice Arena. As a member of the Piney Orchard Blue Belles, Hanna had to perform two difficult skills (unfortunately, I don't know their names) for the crowd in attendance. Hanna and her team scored a third place victory. It will be only a matter of time before she starts bringing home gold medals (I just know it).
I promise to try and get some Jake video as he deserves some face time as well. Have a Happy Valentine's weekend.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
So now we fast forward one week to the morning of January 17th. Hanna has been skating for 5 years and Jake has been skating for about 5 minutes. Let's see the differences:
But then came the evening of January 17th. The night when everyone came together from near and far (thanks, Ben and Kim) to celebrate mom's 60th birthday. Family, friends, good food, good stories, and wonderful gifts was all contained in a wonderful night for my mom. Love ya, mom, and so do a lot of other people who's lives you have touched. You say that you are "blessed", but it is all of us that are "blessed" by knowing you and learning from you each and everyday.
So, do you think we surprised her?
I will be posting videos shortly from Hanna's birthday party, mom's 60th birthday party and the kids ice skating lessons. And the ice skating has nothing to do with the 1.5 inches of ice on our driveway and streets on Wednesday.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The final contract for outfielder Gabe Kapler was for $1,000,018, the extra 18 representing Kapler's lucky number, as well as a symbol of life, or chai, in the Jewish community.
I think I will do the same thing when my raise is announced at the end of the month. I will not accept that 3% cost of living increase unless they insure that my salary ends in 18 as in $8.18/hr.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Steelers fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Steelers fans. Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'
'Because I'm not a Steelers fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Steelers fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Ravens fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Ravens fan?'
Because my mom is a Ravens fan, and my dad is Ravens fan, so I'm a Ravens fan too!''
'Well ,' said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Ravens fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?'
'Then,' Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Steelers fan.'
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Ravens fan, and a Steelers fan - are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins!' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Ravens fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, 'This
is for everyone!' and pushes the Steelers fan off the mountain.
A Ravens fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Steelers fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious Black & Gold shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them then s werve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, 'Where are you going, Father?'
'I' m going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road,' replied the priest.
'Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!' The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw a Steelers fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time. Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. Not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still
didn't see anything. He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, 'Sorry Father , I almost hit that Steelers fan.'
'That's OK,' replied the priest 'I got him with the door.'
- Farts are created mostly by E. coli.
- On the average a fart is composed of about 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methane, and 4% oxygen. Less than 1% is what makes them stink.
- The temperature of a fart at time of creation is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit.
- Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second.
- A person produces about half a liter of farts a day.
- Although they won't admit it, women fart as much as men.
- Termites are the largest producers of farts.
- Farts are flammable.
- The word "fart" comes from the Old English "feortan" (meaning "to break wind").
- Excess gas in the intestinal is medically termed "flatulence."
and, one about urine:
- Mercaptan in asparagus is what causes urine to smell.
Now you can't say you didn't know that. You can say you wish you didn't know, though.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
My baby brother, Jeremy, celebrated a birthday on the 5th. My lovely daughter, Hanna, celebrated her 9th birthday on the 6th. My mother is getting ready to celebrate her birthday on the 16th. And, then we have my brother, Ben, with his birthday in the beginning of February. All of this after the gift giving of Hannukah. But, that was last year, we are looking ahead.
And, with that, I have an idea for 2009. Something that can help people. (Look it's a "new" me. The new sleeker, 2009 version of Mitch.) But, listen to this idea and let me know if you have any ideas on how can I get this working...
Have you ever taken your child out to a meal at one of those fancy restaurants where the kid's get their own individual menus? And as we are all aware, besides getting these menus, each child is provided with a small box or plastic pouch of crayons for minutes and minutes of enjoyment. Shortly after ordering your meal, your children continue using the crayons until the meal comes. They quickly put the crayons away and eat to their little tummies are content. The bill then comes, it is paid and you leave the restaurant. Does this scenario sound familiar?
Well, what ever happens to those poor crayons? They must have some drawing left in them. But, we will never know because the "busser" has come along and scooped them into their big plastic bin to get thrown in with the other trash.
Wouldn't it be great if these crayons could be collected and donated to someone not as fortunate to enjoy the above scenario? There has got to be a way to get this idea off the ground. So, anybody out there got any ideas?